Prince Charming: "You! You can't lie! Where is Shrek?"
Pinocchio: "Well, uh, I don't know where he's not."
Prince Charming: "You don't know where Shrek is?"
Pinocchio: "On the contrary,"
Prince Charming: "So you do know where he is!"
Pinocchio: "I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that I undeniably"
Prince Charming: "Stop it!"
Pinocchio: "Do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be. If that indeed wasn't where he isn't!"
Magic Mirror: Our first bachelorette is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot-tubbing any time. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Let's hear it for Cinderella! Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the Land of Fantasy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her frozen, dead lips and find out what a live wire she is. Give it up for Snow White! And last but not least is a fiery redhead who lives in a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by a boiling lake of lava. But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona!
The Donkey: C'mon, princess, you're not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you're only like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7.
Princess Fiona: Shrek's hurt.
The Donkey: What? Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!
Shrek: Donkey, I'm fine.
The Donkey: You can't die on me, Shrek! I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich?
Shrek: Quick tell a lie!
Pinocchio: What should I say?
Donkey: Say something crazy... like you're wearing ladies underwear.
Pinocchio: Um, ok. I'm wearing ladies underwear.
Pinocchio: [silence]
Shrek: Are you?
Pinocchio: I most certainly am not.
Pinocchio: [nose extends] .
Donkey: It looks like you most certainly am are.
Pinocchio: I am not.
Pinocchio: [nose extends]
Puss-in-Boots: What Kind?
Gingerbread Man: IT'S A THONG!
Donkey: What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say, "You have the right to remain silent." Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!
Shrek: Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.
Puss-in-Boots: [camera shows just Puss] I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad.
Gingerbread Man: Shrek? Donkey?
Puss-in-Boots: [looks up to see fairy tale creatures above him] Too late.
Donkey: Alright people, let's do this thing. Go Team Dynamite!
Pinocchio: But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.
Gingerbread Man: As I recall, it was Team Awesome.
Wolf: I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
Donkey: Alright, alright, alright. From henceforth, we're all to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.
Shrek: Fiona, try to be reasonable. Have you seen a baby lately? All they do is eat and poop, and then they cry, and they cry when they poop, and poop when they cry. Now imagine an *ogre* baby. They extra cry, and they extra poop.
Shrek: I can't believe I'm going to be a father. How did this happened?
Puss in Boots: Allow me to explain. When a man falls in love with a woman, he is overcome with powerful urges...
Shrek: I know how it happened! I just can't believe it.
Donkey: [to Puss] How does it happen?
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